Ogeda Feva (Together Forever)
by PvtBrook
Summary: "Ai hodnes...remember what we had said?" Her former love leaned forward until her lips were ghosting her year. Lexa felt something sharp jabbing into her ribs. A whisper sounded, "Ogeda." OR Lexa has PTSD and has her first episode in a long time.


**So basically THIS was the fic I intended to post. I'm actually not just saying it, it isn't that good. I recommend picturing the scene well as you read it because that's how I wrote it.**

 **ALSO: I'm not well-versed in the mechanics of how PTSD works, and I have been too tired and lazy to actually google it. This is HEAVILY based off of the scene of Josh's schizophrenic episode at the end of Until Dawn. Like I quoted parts of it because I lack creativity.**

Lexa was pacing her bedroom. She had one arm wrapped around her midsection and was biting her nails nervously. She thought it had stopped. She thought she had come to peace with everything, but she was suddenly spent spiraling back.

Between her walk from the war room to her bedroom, the laughter and cries and pleas got louder and louder. By the time Lexa pushed her door open and slammed it shut again she almost couldn't hear herself think. Her eyes darted around the room as she saw dark shapes flashing in and out of her vision.

Suddenly, everything stopped; no spots, no voices. Lexa took a hesitant step forward, further into her room.

 _"Leksa."_

Her eyes widened and her bottom lip trembled. "No..."

The girl whipped her head to look behind her. Scanning the room, she saw nothing. Lexa closed her eyes and let out a relieved sigh. I had just imagined it, she thought. She turned back around. She opened her eyes to see a, grotesque face with two lifeless, white eyes staring back at her.

 _"Leksa..."_

She shrieked and jumped back a foot.

"You're all alone in here..."

"No!" Lexa yelled. She covered her ears with her hands and stumbled backwards hazardously. "Not again! G-Get away from me!"

Childish laughter echoed throughout the room. "You promised me you would not leave me..."

 _"Stop it!"_ Lexa took steps back and stared at the ghost of her former love with horror. "It...It was not my fault!"

"I died because of _you_."

"Shut up! You... _You're dead!_ You can't do anything!"

The body stepped forward and closed the gap between them. Blood started to seep through a wound in her neck and poured down her body. She put her ice cold hands over Lexa's cheeks and smiled in a way Lexa used to find endearing. " _Ai hodnes..._ remember what we had said?" Her former love leaned forward until her lips were ghosting her year. Lexa felt something sharp jabbing into her ribs. A whisper sounded, _"Ogeda."_

The brunette shakily pushed the body of her late love away from her and hastily turned around, her eyes shut and shaking her head with panic. She felt something cold touch her shoulder. Cautiously, she lifted her head towards her side and opened an eye, regretting her choice.

Her ex-mentor, with blood spilling down her chest, stood there with a heavy grin. Blood was dripping down her chin from between her bared teeth. Her face inches from Lexa's own, almost looking skeletal. "We won't be apart for long..."

Lexa screamed and jumped backwards. "Leave me _alone!"_

She felt something warm hit her face. Then again. And again. The Commander looked up to see dark liquid drizzling down from her ceiling like rain. It stained her face and clothes. Her expression morphed into one of horror.

 _Now the blood of everyone you killed is on you again._

Lexa's hands started to shake, her breathing heavy, and _God_ she felt so _scared_.

Two shadows glided towards her, circling her. Her parents faces bubbling around the forms.

"Why didn't you save us, _Leksa?"_ The dead whispered in unison. They stopped in front of her, bloody and deformed faces staring at her lifelessly. "Why did you want us to _die?"_

"I..." Lexa stuttered. "I never w-wanted you to die, I _swear..!"_

She saw the fires of Tondc setting the perimeter of the room ablaze cutting off her exits. Corpses' piling over the fires until they were like mountains. The girl heard the distant screaming of the citizens and the rattling of their bones as they slowly were pulled upwards. At the front of the crowd was her mother and father; the Nightbloods she played and grew up with stood in front of her completely soaked in their own black blood. Even children would never be safe from her.

 _'What gave you the right to play God on these people's lives?!'_

The dead started to move closer and closer to her, skin peeling off their faces and limbs little by little. Lexa's knees gave out and she collapsed onto the blood-soaked floors. The frightened Commander shut her eyes in hope the images would disappear. Lexa felt hands grasp her shoulders firmly, as if to keep her from running. She felt hot breaths against her ears.

"But you're with us now. _Feva."_

Eyes shut tightly, "STOP IT!"

"Lexa?"

Limbs flailing around, "GET _OFF!"_

 _"Lexa!"_

The brunette's eyes shot open and she jerked her body away from whatever was gripping her shoulders. She spun around and desperately crawled backwards away until she hit a wall. She was gasping for air.

Lexa took a good look around the room. It looked as good as new; nothing was on fire, there was no blood, there were no bodies, and the ghosts had disappeared. She finally fixed her eyes on the woman who had invaded her space.

 _"K..Klark?"_

Clarke was on her knees a few feet away from her with her arms weakly outstretched. She calmly sat down and crossed her legs in front of her. Looking at Lexa with calm, sympathetic eyes, she asked: "What happened?"

Lexa pulled her knees up to her chest as if to create a barrier between them.

"I...they were...a-and then..." She mumbled incoherently with uneven breaths and unstable heartbeats.

Clarke risked sliding over a couple feet, scared that she would frighten Lexa even more. When Lexa didn't react to it, she moved forwards a little more. "Lexa please. You need to breathe."

The brunette didn't look like the almighty Commander like this. She didn't look like the leader everyone loved and praised for bringing them peace. She looked like a terrified girl much younger than Clarke was and it scared her. She wondered what she was seeing; what she was hearing, what she was thinking.

Lexa had brought her hands to her head to cover her face with her wrists. Her fingers were gripping her hair and pulling against it. Although Clarke had earlier saw a sheen of sweat across the girl's forehead, her entire body was shaking. As she lightly rocked back and forth, she was mumbling unintelligible words to herself.

Clarke quietly scooted closer to Lexa, closing the remaining distance between them. She turned around so she could also lean against the wall and gently pried Lexa's hands out of her tangled hair. She comfortingly wrapped an arm around the shaken girl. Lexa carefully leaned into the embrace, resting her head on the blonde's shoulder.

Clarke begins rubbing Lexa's shoulder comfortingly. "It's okay now. You're okay..."

Lexa, still shaking way too hard opened her mouth. "I won't be okay. It...It's _all_ my _fault."_

Clarke calmly and gently brushed her nails over Lexa's scalp. Lexa leaned ever-so-slightly into Clarke's hand and the blonde couldn't help but smile at the tendency. Clarke took a deep breath. "It was never your fault, Lexa. You do what you do to save everyone. I don't know what happened, but please, it is never your fault."

Clarke kissed the top of the brunette's head. "You do what you do to save the most lives possible."

Lexa took a shaky breath. She was too tired to argue. Too tired to say how everything was her fault. She was too tired to even keep her eyes open. Lexa shut her eyes and leaned a little more into the other girl. Just before she gave into the darkness, she heard Clarke's seemingly far away voice say:

"You'll be alright, Lexa. You will." A kiss. "I love you, _ai niron."_

 **Hope you guys enjoyed it. I finally finished it after a long period of time, though I'm not too happy with it. Idk if that's because my girlfriend broke up with me or because I actually am not happy with it. Oh well. I've always been good with angsty stuff.**

 **Favourite if you liked it, comment some criticism.**


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